I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
