This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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