He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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