I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
