I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
