u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
