Moan for me like Helen Keller
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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