i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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