what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
