She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
