It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
