hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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