got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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