I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
