you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
