Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
