Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
