would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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