this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
