I skipped work to stalk him.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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