Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He has the fingertips of a God
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