I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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