you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
