Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
