$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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