got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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