Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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