i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
