I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
