Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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