Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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