her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
