Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
