I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
