You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
