Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
