alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
