Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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