sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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