I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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