its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
