put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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