Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
