dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
