doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
