I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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