bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
