Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
