So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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