I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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