i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
