I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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