haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
